BACK TO CATHOLIC CHURCH

The church was not what I expected.
And that was because Iam mentally ill.
And may not have been that it may have been that they have a spiritual sickness.
Whatever it did not make sense.
If Christ has died on the cross for our sins it doesn't make sense to accuse people of sin from the pulpit.
And it clear that the accuser of the brethren wants to accuse them in church.
And mybe he doesn't have that right.
And maybe he really does not have any rights in church.
And the truth is he has no rights.
He cannot accuse of some sin that has long since passed.
As if it were yesterday.
And that does not give people the opportunity to repent.
And I ahve repented of my sins.
Maybe some of them but not all of them and that is the way it is for most people.
It does not mean they are unforgiven.
But to refuse to bread to someone is one thing but to give it to them and then tell them they are unworthy is such a serious sin.
That only an evil man could commit it.
And if a good man refused the bread he would not give it.
But the thing is no one has the rigth to refuse the bread.
And a priest can refuse communion to someone they hate.
And that should never be the case.
And the whole idea of punishing sin in the church has been been a bad one from the very begining.
And of course it has not been bad until recently.
When people take it upon themselves to be the judge of someone else.
And there is no love involved in rejecting other people.
And of course people enjoy rejecting others.
And that has always been the way of the cross.
People enjoyed rejecting Christ and they come with a million and one excuses to rejectv Christ.
But I have to rememmber my own ten reasons to accept Christ.
And I have not written them down.
Because they would be my reasons and no one would be able to argue.
And of course they can but not if I don't let them.
Not if I say the important thing is to be true to myself to what I believe myself.
Then whataever anybody sais I will argue my case.
And of course I never do I never argue my case that is because the devil has his own way of stopping me from arguing.
But that won't be true forever.
One day I will be free to say whatever I want to say.
And then I will say everything.
About the forgiveness of sins and life everylasting.
Because that is what iam doing right now Iam making my case against the evil that has come to roost in the church.
And Iam not the only one who no longer goes to church because of the evil.
But there will be a day of reckoning.
When the church is set free of the evil.
And the evil will be judged for what it is just a devil.
Not even a nice angel but a rotten devil.
And devils can sound like angels they can trnasformed into children of the light.
But you shall know them by their fruit.
Their fruit is unkindness and they never understood that is Christ is kind to everyone.
Because they thought he was just like them.
Only He was better he was much a much better person than they were.
And of course if he knew it and was the kind of person who said Iam really good.
He would not be Jesus.
Because really good people just don't exist.
And really bad people are those that love themslves with all their heart.
And hate everybody else.

YOU KNOW NOT WHAT A DAY BRINGS FORTH

This is my diary for 2008.But it started in 2007 in November.
That is because I decided to go to church.
So I thought I wold write about what I expected.And from the catholic church i don't expect very much just worhsip of God.
It is not communion in the sense of fellowship.
It is communion in the sense of fellowship with God.
And it is for Him that Iam going not because I want fellowship.
Because a schizoprenic doesn't want company.
And he does but he in two minds about it.
That is like christmas will I stay for christmas or will I go to the club.
I wouldn't go to the club unless I thought my presence would spoil it for others.
And that is a crazy way of thinking.
But you have to be true to yourself.
And company means doing something for others.
And not for yourself.
And I have not learned how to do for others.
That is why I choose to be alone.
Even at christmas because I ahve company God is my friend.
And he keeps me compnay but if he thought it would mean I would be alone.
he would drop me like a hot potatoe.
And of course God isn't like that.
He accepts my decision to keep the light house running because I would apply for that job on deel island.
And noone would want the high pay.
And everyone would do it for just the pension.
But it is an alterntative to the way most people live their lives with hustle and bustle and clutter and flotsom and jestsum.
That is why I will be a horologist if the horologists will have me.
Because I will fix clocks because it is what an idiot savant is good at.
And the reason I will fix clocks is because Doc Brown did in Back to the Future.
You have to have reason for doing something.And that is as good a reason as any.
Clocks rock.
And they really don't but people who love to be different love to fix clocks.
And it may not pay big money but there is big money to be made in jewelery.
But I would not bother fixing jewels I would only fix clocks.
And perhaps do some engraving if my handwriting were not that bad.
And it is a matter of doing a diary everyday.And that is not easy.
You have to be in the mood.
But soon there will be 100 entries.
And I will be supriised how soon that is.
Then this will be BLOG THE BOOK 3.
And it is really the end of books and the begining of the BLOG BOOK.
People don't try hard to write a blog but a book is something they take the year off to do.
And a book will be the exception and a Blog Book the rule.
So it is 2009 and am I right have Blog books replaced books.
They have for me.nothing suits me better than to write a Blog and to turn that Blog into my next novel.
And the title can be Blog 4#.
And I really don't need a title when I have so many on Lulu.
people will know that everything is in my book.
Everything including the kitchen sink.
Everything about space and time and science and other stuff.
Stuff about my music and why I never became a rock star.
And why people think I made a mistake that I could have been a rock star and that my music really rocks.
But I don't look that handsome and niether does Dylan but he rocks.
And you just have to rock.
Then you are a rock star and it isn't that simple.
You are an aging rock star and no one wants to hear a blast from the past.
But what if you go back to hte future.
Everyone loves back to the Future that is what I will say at christmas if I decide to play it and not go to the club.
But If I do it will be a present under the tree.
For someone that I love.
Or someone that I once did love but Iam changing.
And so is she.
And we are growing apart and we have been apart for a long long time.
And I just have not recognised that.
We can catch up and maybe we cannnot ever catch up again.
Is what she means.
And it might be true that it would not take a miracle for us to catch up.
But it water under the bridge and it might me.
My life I mean.
maybe it is too late for love in my life.
And maybe it is never too late.You just never know your luck in a big city.
A woman may fall for you.
And you won't know because she won't sit at your table she will expect you to sit at hers.
But that is a big thing for an old man.
And not some old men some are really great they will harrass a girl.
And she will love it.
But respect is something she loves too.
Because she has to want to be in love.
And if she really doesn't want it she will find an excuse.Like the fact that he was feeding his face with chips.
And there is always an excuse not to fall in love.
And sometimes thats a good thing when both people are not in the same mind as each other.
Will I meet the girl of my dreams at mass.not if I have already met her.
And even then I could meet an old friend at mass.
And I will meet an old friend God the Father because he will be presiding at mass.
And of course it is just a man.
But he calls himself father.
That is because God is a Father waiting for His children to come home.
And he is happy to see them coming home.
It is the home that always was His home.
Because he hasn't changed and they have.
They now worhsip at another house.
But it is all good.
To never look back and sometimes it is the right thing to take a look back and see where you have come from.
And go back home to church.
One more time.
Because maybe you will go a hundred times.
And wouldn't that be better than just once.
But you are still saved whether you go to church or not.
But the future will be bright.
If you go to church more often.
And that just isn't so but you gotta believe God has a wonderful plan for your life.
And you have to want that.
And if you want it God will want it to.
God will want what you want.
And that always isn't true.And sometimes it is sometimes His will is right under your nose.
You think it is what He wants and it is what He wants.
You can be right about whats wrong.
And wrong about whats right.